sonicfancharafandomcom-20200215-history
Talk:Steve Rockenbar/@comment-4107522-20170312225143
Okay, here be mah notes. ~GRAMMAR "The direct comparison with a group of violent homosexual has caused such a strong trauma that gave rise to the gay phobia." Not sure what that's meant to be saying. Are you saying that he was attacked and/or raped by a group of homosexuals which lead to him having a fear of homosexuals? ~GRAMMAR " and from that moment he get no peace unless he'll find her and get his revenge." I think you mean "and from that moment he had no peace. Only if he finds Morgana and has his revenge will he have peace". ~GRAMMAR "Steve consent just to courting the bat, but with the pass of time, this interest became something heavier for the Steve's womanizer pride, to the point that it became unbearable for him the idea of being able to lose her." Trying to figure out what that means, and I gathered the following. "Steve was content with just courting the bat, but over time, he grew more and more interested in her--leaving a heavy bearing on his womanizing pride. It got to the point where he could not bear the idea of losing her." ~BACKSTORY. So... he's one of three children separated at infants after Eggman took over. How did he end up with the record producer and what happened with the others of his family? Has he searched for them? How does Eggman impact his life currently? ~GRAMMAR "Steve is a brave one, independent and competitive, which never takes back in front of a challenge, but he's also a cocky womanizer, very self-confident and too vain." So... "Steve is a brave one: independant and competitive, he never backs down from a challenge. He's a self-confident and vain cocky womanizer." ~SETTING. So this is set in the world of Sonic Underground then? If so, I think that should be pointed out at the beginning for context. ~BASIC STATS. This isn't something just for you. Honestly I find this chart idea pretty ineffectual since it doesn't really show a scale of actual numbers for each trait, such as MPH for speed on the 1-10 scale, or how much he can lift. I'd suggest putting a specific type with each number like "He can run up to ____ MPH" or "He can lift up to ____ pounds". Easier to tell the traits that way. ~GRAMMAR "Later, after Steve started to attending Morgana, he follows her teachings to use black magic, needed to survive against the monsters that daily torment Morgana's land." So... "Later, after Steve had started attending lessons from Morgana, he followed her teachings in black magic: learning what he would need to survive against the monsters tormenting Morgana's land daily." ~GRAMMAR "Steve is easily changeable, so it can easily take sides towards the faction that he considers more profitable." So... "Steve's loyalty is easily changed. He takes the side of whichever faction he considers more profitable." I'll stop there in terms of little things to point out. I think the grammar is the main thing that needs improvement honestly. The rest is pretty servicable. I think the character is pretty good, but I would like to see more of how he relates to his past, especially with Eggman and his family: what he thinks of what happened and if he's ever tried to resolve that issue. Also, his personality implies he'll turn on anyone, so have there been instances where he's turned on Morgana and her team? If so, how has that affected their relationship? I'd also like to know a bit about the locations he frequents. I'm getting the idea that he hangs out at Morgana's land for the most part. Is there a description for that, and any other places? I think the character is pretty balanced overall, though when it comes to his weaknesses, I wouldn't consider disloyalty as one. The literal homophobia thing works but it's very situational. Maybe there could be some input about specific blind-spots he has, like any part of his body he leaves unprotoected, or considering his low defense, his assumed little durability, or even lesser intelligence. Finally I have no idea how old he is... so... yeah. He's a young adult? 19? 20? Anything like that. Hope this isn't discouraging. Just giving some tips and such.